Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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