I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
