after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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