I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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