I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize