Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
