Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Someone shattered a urinal.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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