I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
