I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
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True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
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All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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