im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
