Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
