Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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