In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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