You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
