I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
