Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
