If i could tip my vagina, i would.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
