I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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