It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
