I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
