Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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