I got her a Nickelback box set.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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