I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
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