And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
