when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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