where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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