Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
