dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
