it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
