The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
