I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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