my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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