I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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