i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
