What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
