The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
