Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
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