dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
