do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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