I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
