did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
