he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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