I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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