wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
