I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
