If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
