ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
