Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
