need another drink. this is the easiest way
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I have tasted many bathrooms
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
