I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
