why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
ttyl tear gas
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
50% drunk capacity currently
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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