I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
