wakey wakey hands off snakey
I looked at my own cervix.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
