Can i not drive my cunt home
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
