I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
