Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
