This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
