I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Randomize
