she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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