party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
