I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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