i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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