I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
